I am changing – morphing into a new and shinier version of myself.
Evolution is messy. There is the fear of releasing the person I know so well to embrace the person I am truly meant to be.
I have a uniform of sorts – and have had others dictate my sense of style for my whole life. Mother who dressed me as a wee girl, school uniform that made us all look the same, defining my sense of style by emulating some of my mum’s clothing choices (classic and en pointe), always seeing another’s way of being and thinking their style was the right one.
I have been searching for myself for many years, and have found myself trying on the styles of others to see if they fit me. I have learned that they might fit for a while – suitable for the persona I am emulating at the time, but they are not sustainable long term. My true sense of being is still a work in progress. Moving into mid-life is shocking to me on many levels, and I find it hard to believe that I am still in search of self – trying to answer the question Who Am I?
The answer is evolving – my past likes and my current disinterest in my old way of being is becoming acutely evident. I see my old style and know it mimics another. Perhaps one I had once admired, but is now gone and forgotten.
To enable my growth, I need to focus on the things that truly speak to me and to clear out that which does not. To focus my attention on what feels right to me, and not on what is expected.
For if I don’t truly know who I am, how can another?